Tears of A Clown (The Entertainer)

Because I was having a bad day and I was thinking too much. Over thinking kills me. I'm constantly at war with my mind. It's both a gift and a cursed. It can be cruel and it can be kind, so I created this set.

My mind is so strong--

But it over thinks too much.

Over random things,

And little things and such.

I need to get active,

I need to get out of bed.

I need to get away from these thoughts--

That are inside of my head.

But I'm really sick,

And I'm really tired.

Life has a way

Of making us feel like a liar.

People call me sweet--

But I often think it's a lie.

It seems that I'm the kindest,

Whenever I start to cry.

Where is the logic--

In any of this?

When I over think so much,

It leaves me crazy like this.

See, one day I'm really smart--

With a lot of things to say.

And then the next day I feel empty,

And lonely in a way.

Most days I feel crazy--

Like I'm out of my mind.

Like why is it so hard

To find some peace of mind?

Complicated, complex

And totally confused...

How can I ever love someone--

Without making them feel used?

See, I know how you love--

Flaws and all.

But I'm not one to bring anyone down

When I'm starting to fall.

I'm a handful--

For even myself.

I would protect everyone--

From even myself.

See, I really love him

And I know he loves me.

But how can I truly trust someone

When I can't even trust me?

And I'm all for making people happy--

That's the choice that I've made.

But it's one massive price

That has to be paid...

And friendships are the worst--

They make me feel like a flake.

Because as much as I give,

I'm not one who's willing to take.

But what do I really give?

Kind words and some advice?

But whenever they call me to see me--

I have to check my schedule twice!

And I get it--

I'm a butterfly who likes to fly away.

And only the strongest,

Can ground me enough to make me stay.

But I still feel like I'm never there--

When they need me most.

Makes me seem like one big party,

And I'm always playing the host...

Keep the conversations light--

Airy and witty.

And maybe one day,

I'll know the entire city!

And don't bother calling me--

I'll just show up really late.

Clearly, as you can tell,

I have more than enough on my plate.

Don't worry, I'll be fine--

Just give me a minute or two.

Now welcome to my life,

It's really nice to meet you.

Be careful, I'm cunning--

You should really stay away.

I'll say all the right things,

That will make you want to stay.

But then again,

I have a habit of pushing people away...

When really, in reality,

I just want them to stay...

But come along for the party--

I'll entertain you all day!

But when it's over and I'm alone,

Just leave me that way...

Trust me, I'll be fine--

Life is lonely that way.

And I'm the biggest clown,

Who's a phony by the way.

And if you're feeling sorry for me--

Then, I guess I've done it.

A huge pity party!

That's all I ever wanted!

Clearly, I'm lying.

That's not how I want it to be.

Because at the end of the day,

The only person that is hurting-- is me.

~LB
©2015